Who: NTUST student’s union
Where: NTUST playing-field
When: May 30,2008
What event: NTUST hold charity singing performance
What happen: the singing performance canceled because it rain
What editorials: I think the student’s union make a mistake that not think about the weather, but the original purpose want to contribute money for poor people, so the student’s union to do a good job.
The world occurred many natural disasters, for example Szechwan earthquake and Myanmar typhoons. On May 30, 2008, NTUST student’s union held charity singing performance at NTUST playing-field. If you wanted to get the tickets for it, you had to contribute money for one hundred dollars. They wished that the income can contribute to World Vision to help this poor people. So they wanted to gather everybody’s love that inviting many stars to perform.
The singing performance will begin, and many people are waiting for it. But the weather is not bad, it’s thundering. Soon the weather had big rain and thundered, everyone waited for the student’s union decision. But they were unsatisfied of the
decision, the student’s union suddenly canceled the singing performance. They felt unhappy and angry to it.
I think the student’s union make a mistake that not think about the weather, and it suddenly canceled the singing performance and not prepare other method. Although holding the singing performance is unsuccessful, they is worthily encouraging. The original purpose want to contribute money for poor people, so the student’s union to do a good job.
Where: NTUST playing-field
When: May 30,2008
What event: NTUST hold charity singing performance
What happen: the singing performance canceled because it rain
What editorials: I think the student’s union make a mistake that not think about the weather, but the original purpose want to contribute money for poor people, so the student’s union to do a good job.
The world occurred many natural disasters, for example Szechwan earthquake and Myanmar typhoons. On May 30, 2008, NTUST student’s union held charity singing performance at NTUST playing-field. If you wanted to get the tickets for it, you had to contribute money for one hundred dollars. They wished that the income can contribute to World Vision to help this poor people. So they wanted to gather everybody’s love that inviting many stars to perform.
The singing performance will begin, and many people are waiting for it. But the weather is not bad, it’s thundering. Soon the weather had big rain and thundered, everyone waited for the student’s union decision. But they were unsatisfied of the
decision, the student’s union suddenly canceled the singing performance. They felt unhappy and angry to it.
I think the student’s union make a mistake that not think about the weather, and it suddenly canceled the singing performance and not prepare other method. Although holding the singing performance is unsuccessful, they is worthily encouraging. The original purpose want to contribute money for poor people, so the student’s union to do a good job.
3 comments:
Hi Nick
You have a good idea about Editorials. I'd suggest that
You can ask for help from your classmates read your writing and revise some sentence patrern.
By Alice
Hi Nick
I'm Kim. I think you have some grammar mistakes, take the first sentence for example: I think you should revise it to The world "has" occured many natural disasters. By the way, you should correct your pronoun and you don't have coordinators between paragraths. In addition, in your third line, paragrath two, you should revise it to But students were unsatisfied "with" the decision that.... Finally, you have no coherence in the last paragrath.
Hi Nick
I'm vivian , I'd suggest you should put the topic sentence in front of the text , so you can let anyone who read your the school news can learn your main points immediately .
Furthermore , you can arouse one's interest at the first sight and then read all of your article !
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